The thing is…and it’s the elephant in the room…is ‘why in the world would the DOD admit—as they recently have, see links—that ‘UFOs exist but we don’t know where they’re from or what they are…except we know for certain that they aren’t ours or from another country’…when they’ve vehemently denied the same realities and the same message for over seventy years?
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/16/us/politics/unidentified-flying-object-navy.html
I’m glad you asked!
What if the aliens had watched the game last Sunday between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New England Pats and decided that enough was enough…that they HAD to make a dramatic public appearance, and our government could either like it or lump it [hence the recent DOD admission to prepare our delicate psyches]?
First…a little context…
Gronk—in case you’ve wondered—is a mutant alien who’s the product of a genetic experiment and who’s long been in violation of the Prime Directive.
[Yes, that “Prime Directive”…about never interfering with fantasy leagues, betting lines or outcomes, or playoff seedings concerning indigenous sports of non-federation planets. Btw, I know what you’re doing…you’re slapping your forehead and saying to yourself, “I always thought he looked somehow ‘different’ as if he’s from someplace weird. You assumed–and logically so—this stemmed from his living near Boston. The truth, as it happens, while being bad, isn’t nearly as bad as that.]
Anyway, having watched their wayward Gronk rip the hearts out of Steeler Nation, the aliens have told our government of their pending intention to right the terrible wrong so recently done to the Black & Gold. Here’s how:
As Gronk lines up for the Pats first offensive snap at the AFCCG [should the Pats survive to play the Steelers], a trio of UFOs will swoop into view and freeze him with a tractor beam [in widescreen HD as caught by Skycam]. Note, aliens always do these things in threes. Why? Who knows! It’s a dark mystery like Tom Brady always using three midgit wideouts in tandem with a mutant TE to wreak havoc with cornerbacks and safeties. But I digress…
A single UFO will land while the other two hover poised over the 25 yard line to intervene in case Tom and Bill make a dash for Gronk. Multi-armed creatures with coneheads will then emerge from the earthbound craft to take Gronk into custody….each waving multiple Terrible Towels to demonstrate 1] their tri-valve hearts are pure, 2] they’re a moral species that understands good and evil, 3] where they stand on Bill Belichik and spygate, and 4] they know a good catch when they see one.
The aliens will then fly off, leaving Tom Brady staring agog, a quivering mass of neurological panic, and leaving an even playing field on which the Pittsburgh Steelers kick the Patriots’ butt on the way to restoring cosmic justice through winning their SB7!
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By J Perry Kelly, a Steelers fan [can you tell?] who’s the author of “The Sibyl Reborn,” a paranormal thriller that explores other reasons for ‘why they’re here.’ ;<))